I have very little confidence in myself. In my looks, in my knowledge, in my skills. All of it. No confidence. After a few years of training my thought pattern (and some online therapy, thank you Healthy Minds) I started to believe in myself a little bit more. I was a good zookeeper, I am smart, I have a degree and I'm a good friend.
It took me a long time to get to this point, and even now I only have the smallest amount of confidence in myself. However, since we started travelling my self confidence has come on in leaps and bounds!
Plans have changed last minute (which is a massive trigger for me, I can't stand it when plans change), I've had to talk to strangers, call people, book trips, stay in hostel rooms, trek through jungles, climb mountains and so much more. Things that for, social and confident people, wouldn't even be an issue.
Socialising
I am, happily, an introvert. I have no plans to change that any time soon! I have found, however, that I'm actually not that bad at being a chatty, fun person! People actually like me? Crazy! Meeting so many people on the group tours we did really did force me to chat, share stories and generally socialise. Not everyone I met got on with me great but you can't please everyone! The main thing I learnt from these tours is that I am actually a funny, nice, chatty person that can be a supportive and comforting friend. For someone who has always considered themselves a sh*t, horrible person this has being a really nice realisation. I'm not even ashamed if this comes across big headed because I'm so proud of myself!
Planning
I am a very organised person and I truly believe my boyfriend would not have made it as far as he has on this trip without me and my organisation! There have been some things though that I haven't had control over, I haven't been able to plan or organise. As much as this frustrates me and puts me on edge, I'm slowly starting to learn that it's okay! I can't, and don't need to, control everything. If we get to a campsite and the toilets are broken, no worries we find another one. We plan to move on to another town tomorrow but wake up and want to have a lazy day? No worries, we'll just push the plans back a day. Delayed flight? No worries, grab some pizza at the beach for a few hours. I'm confident enough in my planning skills that I can accept some last minute changes.
Money
Well I've always said I'm terrible with money but this has proved otherwise. I saved around £10,000 in a year to pay off the trip and have spending money. I'm confident in my financial skills now, I've proven to myself that I am sensible with money and I know how to balance saving it with enjoying it!
Phone calls and doors
I have this thing...
I can't do phone calls and new doors. Okay it's, I don't know why, since school I've had this irrational thing about a door being push or pull and if it's a door I'd not used before and it didn't clearly state push or pull on it I'd freak out. Don't at me. I know it's weird.
Phone calls I think most people understand, no one enjoys a phone call.
Since travelling I've had to call numerous people and go to new places. I'm now confident enough to not give a sh*t about what other people think when they see me push a pull door. So what? Everyone does it!
I am also a lot braver with asking people for help or advice and going somewhere new on my own.
My appearance
We ain't there yet. I'm not happy with how I look, I won't be for a while. What I have done to help, though, is adjust my diet and move my body more. I've signed up to gyms and worked out 5 times a week, sometimes by myself (!!!) which is a big thing for me. I always worry about what all the buff, oiled up weight lifters must think of me doing bench presses with no weight on the barbell. Slowly I've started to think that when they see me doing that they are probably reminded of when they first started out and they are internally willing me on. By teaching myself to think like this I've become so much more confident in the gym. I'm even more confident when my partner is with me, pushing me and getting me to PR on nearly everything!
I started to realise that the things I get so worked up about in my head are down to a lack of confidence in myself. By working on the way I think, pushing myself into new situations and really breaking out the box I've become so much more confident. I've made life more enjoyable for myself by having these amazing experiences and growing my confidence at the same time.
Has travelling helped you? Drop me a comment and tell me your favourite "I can't believe I did that" moment!
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